In the interest of maintaining a connection with readers of this blog (or at the very least, creating the illusion of one), I’m posting my responses to one of those cheesy “getting to know you” mass emails that inundate our inboxes. Despite my disdain for such chain-letter methods of communication, perhaps there are a few insights to be gleaned from my answers these queries. I’m supplying just a few choice responses:
3. What did you have for breakfast?
A power bar
6. Any piercings?
7. Eye color:
8. Place of birth:
New York City. Although I am proud to be a Midwest guy, part of me will always consider NYC a sort of spiritual home. And it has the best pizza in the world.
9. Favorite food:
Pizza. See above.
12. What is your favorite CD at the moment?
This implies that I still listen to CDs, rather than furiously downloading stray songs from my youth off the internet. I am building massive playlist upon playlist, stuffed with one-hit wonders and obscure tunes that let me know that Gen X still breathes.
14. What kind of car do you drive?
A 10-year-old economy model that is, even as I type this, plotting a new hemorrhage or dropping a vital component or sighing into general obsolescence.
16. Ever been to Africa?
17. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go?
20. Favorite brand of clothing?
Have we become so consumerist that we identify with the companies behind our cheap jeans and our tattered jackets and our t-shirts baring ironic slogans, all in the vain hope that it says something about us? Sorry, but I don’t even know who makes my shoes.
21. Where would you like to retire?
Santa Barbara, California
22. Favorite time of day?
8:58 pm, but I don’t know why.
24. Favorite sport to watch?
25. What fabric detergent do you use?
Once again, who has such immutable brand loyalty that they have a favorite detergent? That’s just obsessive-compulsive.
26. What characteristic do you despise?
Irresponsibility, which can take several forms. Basically, do what you say you’re going to do. I’m especially pissed if I’m the irresponsible one.
28. Ever been toilet papering?
30. Been in a car accident?
Four times, including recently. Although only one was my fault, and that was twenty years ago. Really, you can look it up.
33. Favorite restaurant:
Imperial Pizza in Manhattan.
37. Favorite drink:
Wine, which may be a bourgeois answer, but there it is. For the record, I’m also quite fond of beer, so don’t revoke my common-man cred just yet.
42. Which store would you max out your credit card?
The consumerist orientation of this chain-mail continues unabated.
43 What do you most often when you are bored?
I have not been bored since 1985, and I have no plans to ever be bored again.
Between 10 pm and 2 am.
47. Favorite TV show:
Twin Peaks. This was easily the greatest show in the history of television, even though it ran for only thirty episodes. It was just too beautiful to live, I guess.
48. Last person you went out to dinner with:
My lovely and patient wife.
50. What are you listening to right now?
The hum of the computer, which is a cross between a soothing drone and an angry buzz. Either way, the haunting sound has something profound to do with my mortality.
51. What is your favorite color?
52. Lake, ocean or river?
53. How many tattoos do you have?